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 An unfortunate circumstance

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Frank Allewell

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PostSubject: An unfortunate circumstance   Mon Dec 23, 2013 6:11 am

So there I was happily working in the garage, mending the smallest of my youngest daughters broods rocking horse, trying desperately to ward the little bugger away from the tools when the cat jumps on the workbench deciding THIS is the exact moment for sharing a bit of love. I really do love my cat, he spends most of his day sleeping next to my computer, and laying on my right arm. Most of the night time he devotes to bringing in presents for me from the garden, Chameleons and various size rodents, plus the occasional snake or two, and then announcing the offerings in a very loud manner.
But in the middle of a very complex piece of multi tasking ( my normal multi tasking stretches to laying on the couch, drinking a beer and watching rugby ) is not the right occasion for a purring intrusive mass of ginger tom. The glue gets dropped, the grandson cries because I said a naughty word, I get flustered, the cat makes a sizable contact with a flailing appendage and flies across the garage just as 'she who must be obeyed' decides to enter, she trips over the cat, screams horribly and collapses. So three hours in the local emergency room (No free medical in South Africa Im afraid) and a disgustingly high Bill later SHE is ensconced on the lounge settee, left ankle highly strapped up in plaster, issuing instructions every 15 seconds and treating all and sundry like brain dead servants and running me to the virtual state of exhaustion the upcoming holiday is cancelled.
So that gentlemen is why Im spending Christmas and New Year in Cape Town instead of meandering around the Battlefields and getting obscenely drunk with my friend Charles at the Rorkes Drift Hotel. 'Sigh'

Have a great Xmas every one.

 Salute
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Chelmsfordthescapegoat

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Mon Dec 23, 2013 11:24 am

Per-planned to stop you going!  Suspect 
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Frank Allewell

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Mon Dec 23, 2013 11:29 am

You don't mean...................... a conspirital Pussy?  Rolling Eyes 
The mind boggles  Shocked
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Chelmsfordthescapegoat

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Mon Dec 23, 2013 12:05 pm

Pussies can get you into a lot if trouble? They can turn your life around.
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6pdr

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Tue Dec 24, 2013 5:14 am

Frank,

Sounds like you'd better get obscenely drunk with somebody over the coming week or two, or else the cat may come to a bad end. I hope you get luckier soon, or your wife gets sick of seeing you and your feline friend both skulking about the house to no good purpose.

- 6pdr
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90th

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PostSubject: An unfortunate circumstance    Tue Dec 24, 2013 5:34 am

Hi Springy .
I didnt think ' you know who ' was overly keen to go on the trip , but what a way to get out of it !  Salute  Full marks for invention ! , I dip me lid as they say !  Salute  Have a wonderful xmas and new year Springy  Merry Christmas 
90th  Salute 
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Frank Allewell

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Tue Dec 24, 2013 7:36 am

What was it that irritatingly optimistic Tiny Tim say?
 Merry Christmas  A Merry Christmas to one and all.  Merry Christmas 

Have a Good one Gary, you get it before I do.

Regards to the 5'6" Blonde with the ample seating arrangements as well  Very Happy 

Cheers

 agree agree Salute agree agree Salute agree agree Salute agree agree Salute 
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lionshead



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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Tue Dec 24, 2013 9:49 am

Is the cat alright?
Merry Chrismas
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Chard1879

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Tue Dec 24, 2013 10:14 am

No NH? Phew!!!!!
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Frank Allewell

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Tue Dec 24, 2013 11:51 am

Situation report
The cats fine but studiously ignoring me.
The wifes broke a leg and isn't ignoring me.
No NH Chard.
Im an exhausted nervous wreck
If a fat Reindeer boning red jump suit wearing barrel of laughter Yo Ho Hos his way down my chimney tonight I will shoot the bugger. And exile his reindeer to the Falklands !
 Shocked 
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ADMIN

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Tue Dec 24, 2013 3:53 pm

You old Humbug!!
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Dave

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Tue Dec 24, 2013 5:44 pm

Question? Christmas Dinner!

Why do women get so angry when cooking Christmas dinner. I offered to help, because for some reason they like to prepair everything on Christmas eve. Only to be told to get out the kitchen, "your in the way!" then when I left the kitchen I get accused of not helping?

They make such a fuss, as though it's the hardest job in the world. Everything is ready to go. All they have to do is put the food in the oven, or onthe gas hobs, the cooker does the rest. And let's face it what's the real difference between Christmas and Sunday dinner. You don't have Christmas Crackers with the Sunday dinner.

So here's the question, do I stay and get accused of everything that goe's wrong, or do I get my coat on and go down the pub and suffer the consequences on my return.
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Frank Allewell

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Tue Dec 24, 2013 6:06 pm

The Pub mate but cover your bets, on the way out pop your head round the door and casually ask if she wants to join you then before she can answer wave and run.  Salute 
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Chelmsfordthescapegoat

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Tue Dec 24, 2013 8:20 pm

It can't be easy!

Drive the wife to the supermarket.
Push the trolley, while she fills it.
Turkey.
Lamb.
Bagged frozen Roasts spuds.
Bagged frozen sprouts.
Bagged frozen Yourshire pudds.
Bagged frozen peas.
Bagged frozen carrots.
Couple of oxo cubes.

Boxed prepaired Christmas pudding.
Sachet of Brandy sauce.

Push trolly to check out ( We pay )

Home.
Carry shopping indoors
Put shopping away.

Nagging.

Cooking.

Chuck the Turkey & Lamb in cooker Gas mark ( whatever ) wait till red light goe's put!

At a precise time add bagged roast potatoes
Put frozen Vegas into saucepans put on gas hobb.

Christmas pudding Microwave add Brandy sauce.

Chuck dirty plates ect into dish washer job done.

The hard work is all in their imagination. The nagging is natural!

Agree with Springbok. Get your coat!  Merry Christmas 


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Dave

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Wed Dec 25, 2013 9:41 am

It worked, had a great time down the local. She hasn't said a word to me since coming home? Peace on Earth good will to all men!  agree 
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old historian2

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Wed Dec 25, 2013 2:35 pm

My wife did an excellent job, as normal! Everything was perfect!
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Dave

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Wed Dec 25, 2013 2:53 pm

In that case Old H I'm coming around yours next year!  Merry Christmas 
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Frank Allewell

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Sun Dec 29, 2013 4:12 am

Good news for the New Year. Managed to pick up a couple of flights to Natal. So instead of spending a few days driving up there we are leaving tomorrow to spend a few days at the Rorkes Drift Hotel.

Cheers
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lionshead



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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Sun Dec 29, 2013 4:28 am

Lucky you, have a great time, i am off to work in about 20 mins. time ! Happy New Year.
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Chelmsfordthescapegoat

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Sun Dec 29, 2013 9:48 am

springbok9 wrote:
Good news for the New Year. Managed to pick up a couple of flights to Natal. So instead of spending a few days driving up there we are leaving tomorrow to spend a few days at the Rorkes Drift Hotel.

Cheers

HOW'S THE WIFE!
Is she better! That's what I thought the good news was.
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90th

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PostSubject: An unfortunate circumstance    Sun Dec 29, 2013 9:55 am

Very good ctsg !  Joker   :j
90th  Salute 
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Frank Allewell

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:18 am

Oh yes, shes coming as well.  agree 
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Mr M. Cooper

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Sun Dec 29, 2013 5:34 pm

Dave hit the nail on the head. When I used to offer a helping hand in the kitchen I got 'the look' and the "don't touch anything" or "you're in the way, under the feet, shoo, get out", then would get accused of sitting on my backside watching the goggle box while she 'slaved' in the kitchen. I took to going down the pub only to get a lecture when returning home later in the evening rather worse for wear and with my speach unintelligible, only to sufffer 'the treatment' and silent meals and the looks of disgust for days on end.

In recent years, and because I am the better cook (although she won't admit it), I decided that it would be me who made the Christmas feast. I can prepare the food and also have a glass of whatever takes my fancy beside me in the kitchen, I can also keep checking on the telly and my computer while the food cooks, and then dish it out when it's all done. The food is cooked to perfection, and she gets a little rattled because I make it look so easy, whereas she would be hopping about like a cat on a hot tin roof and getting her hackles up at the slightest little thing.

Women,,, Don't you just love them!!!!

 Merry Christmas
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littlehand

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Sun Dec 29, 2013 5:54 pm

I'm the same as Martin. I cook the dinner. Of course the cats out the bag, it's so easy to cook the dinner effortless. I give my wife a large glass wine, and the remote. 20 mins later she's asleep. 
Let the cooker do the work, layup the table, take control of the remote job done! Happy Christmas. Then I let her know how hard I have worked cooking the Christmas dinner, while she slept. 

Springbok wife when with him  agree  keeping an eye on him. He hasn't quite cracked it like us Brits!
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Mr M. Cooper

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Sun Dec 29, 2013 6:13 pm

Spot on LH.

Isn't it great when they eventually conk out and the remote comes back to it's rightful owner  Very Happy 

Sometimes the problem is trying to get her to conk out.  scratch 

Do you use a sleeping powder in her glass LH?  Suspect Rolling Eyes 

 Merry Christmas 

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Sun Dec 29, 2013 7:28 pm

An old wooden mallet does the job!
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6pdr

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Sun Dec 29, 2013 9:28 pm

springbok9 wrote:
...we are leaving tomorrow to spend a few days at the Rorkes Drift Hotel.

All's Well the Ends Well.
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Mr M. Cooper

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PostSubject: Re: An unfortunate circumstance   Mon Dec 30, 2013 1:33 am

Good advice Pete, and a lot cheaper than trying to fill her up with plonk.  agree 

Ummm, now lets see, where did she shift my tool box  scratch 

 Merry Christmas 
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